Here in Your Presence

Here in Your Presence
It has been awhile since I have posted, but it has been a time of more learning.  I have often found in my life that there are times when God is teaching me more about him, and revealing more about me, to myself.  At times I can sense His presence so close it is almost as if I can feel His breath on my cheek.  While at other times I feel He is distant.
He promises to never leave me nor forsake.
Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

This is a special piece of scripture that my mother gave to me years ago when I was going into surgery to have my thyroid removed.  It has been one that I constantly call to mind almost daily.  It reminds me that while I may not be able to sense Him, He is still with me and goes before me.  It has taken me many years to realize that my walk with Him is not based on my feelings.  It is based on His grace and truth.

So I am now entering a phase of my life where I see others I love deal with struggles, that at times can be quite painful. 

Ones I love that have found Him, but not following closely.  I have been there myself, and if it were not for the faithful prayer of my family and friends, I might not have been carried along to this moment. 

During this most difficult week, God has been revealing His truth to me once again.

I have come to realize that I am not the sum of my problems or trials.  When asked "How are you doing", I would often lead with.....tired because I was up all night xxxxxx......

I realized that most people don't want to hear the constant ..... "I have a problem" response.  I also realized that I don't want to hear it myself.  God knows my concerns.  He knows the plans He has for me.  He knows the plans He has for my loved ones. 

In focusing on Him, and Him alone, I have nothing to fear.  Even when things appear to be headed in a "tough" or "painful" direction, I know that He is aware of these events.  He never promised we wouldn't have struggles.  Be He did promise to be there and be our strength, peace and guide through it all.  He has shown me this consistently throughout my life, and throughout my struggles. 

So as I watch others deal with their lives and struggles, I humbly bring each one of them before Him and ask that He guide me to support each and every one of them in the way that would be in keeping with His will for my life and theirs. 

As much as I would sometimes like to jump in and save them from their trials, this is not necessarily part of God's will for their lives.  So with patience and prayer, I bring these things before God and watch His will unfold in all our lives.

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

Becoming a Child

It has been a while since my last post, but I have always known that this was not about my words, but words inspired by God.  I once again finding myself needing to live our my faith and work out my salvation, one day at a time.  My head knows that my life is askew whenever I put other priorities first.  I have found I can keep myself busy with things that seem pressing and important at the time, but usually result in nothing but a physical and spiritual tiredness that only grows the more I press forward.  This is when I am running on my own "steam".  But without the proper ingredients to make the "steam" and keep it going, I eventually run out of energy. 
I realized several weeks ago that I felt like I was just "floating" around, day after day.  Nothing pressing, or exciting.  Nothing to share with others, nothing to challenge my thoughts.  No struggles.  No urgency.  No direction.  No joy!  For me this is always a slippery slope.  It usually starts with a busy day, trying to accomplish my own set of goals, and it progresses from there. 
I have been given a wonderful gift of being well enough to continue life at the same pace as before.  The health trials put behind me for now, and then a re-evaluation of "what to do next".  As apathy set in, I realized I am not living the way I need to.  I have slowly let busyness take over, and stopped putting the "bread of life" first.  I stopped seeking Him and making God my priority.  My world didn't fall apart......it just slowly came to a grinding halt. 
In my devotions with Oswald Chamber's My utmost for His Highest, he explains how sanctification is "God's responsibility" but consecration ((being dedicated to God's service) is "ours".  Knowing that my life was lacking in my precious time with God was evident, and I would normally pray that God would give me the desire to read His word, spend time in prayer, and share Him with others when given the opportunity.  I would look and wait for those opportunities, and feel blessed to have been a part of a moment that felt orchestrated by God. 
Well, I now realize that God has the job of sanctifying us (being set apart from sin and being made holy), but I also have a responsibility to seek Him.  To "work out my salvation" (Phil 2:13).  To make an effort.
So I put all things aside for the last few days, and focused on the things that I cherish.  First, my relationship with God.  Reading His word, spending time in prayer, singing songs that lift me up and remind me of His beauty and love.  This then lead to taking my 2 oldest grandchildren to church. 
On Saturday nights, there isn't a children's church, so I knew this meant keeping them seated with me during the entire service.  This brought back moments of "dread" as I tried to keep my own children preoccupied in a similar situation, and they still managed to start creating great distractions.  Not conducive to prayerful worship time. 
I also knew that God was certainly "big enough" to handle this situation, and I said, "I know you can make this a pleasant experience for all of us, and I am trusting and know without a shadow of a doubt that you will.
The children were told about what was expected of them, and that we were in God's house, and that when other people were talking, we weren't supposed to, but if they wanted to join us and sing, they were welcome to.  So they ate there little treats, drank their juice boxes (and we fit in a trip to the washroom as well), and drew on their note pads.
My grandson kept nudging me trying to show me what he had drawn and written.  At six, he has developed an amazing ability to read and write that is beyond what I remember my own children doing at his age.  So without looking down, I quietly collected the papers he had created and held them in my hand until the end of the service when I could acknowledge and read them.
He took an offering envelope from the chair in front of him, and wrote his name, address, and telephone number on it.  On the back of the envelope he put the name "Jesus" and then put one of his notes inside.  He showed me the note before he sealed it.  It said "I love Jesus and God".  He later handed me the precious letter that had been brought with us to dinner, and carried throughout the evening, and said to me,
"Grandma, can you hold onto this for me and then give it back to me when I die, because I want to give it to Jesus one day when I see Him!"  The purity of his heart, that thought, that statement is one that I will never forget.  I later looked at some of the other notes he made.  One other precious note was that "God loves everybody.  Jesus loves everyone.  Jesus loves God.
How a six year old mind grasps the enormous truth of our Lord and Saviour, and the love of our Creator is nothing short of phenomenal.  Sometimes it is the children that bring us back to the basics and the truth.  There hearts are pure and uncluttered.  This is the way I need to be also.
Jesus said:  “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2-4
Now I understand why!