It has been a while since my last post, but I have always known that this was not about my words, but words inspired by God. I once again finding myself needing to live our my faith and work out my salvation, one day at a time. My head knows that my life is askew whenever I put other priorities first. I have found I can keep myself busy with things that seem pressing and important at the time, but usually result in nothing but a physical and spiritual tiredness that only grows the more I press forward. This is when I am running on my own "steam". But without the proper ingredients to make the "steam" and keep it going, I eventually run out of energy.
I realized several weeks ago that I felt like I was just "floating" around, day after day. Nothing pressing, or exciting. Nothing to share with others, nothing to challenge my thoughts. No struggles. No urgency. No direction. No joy! For me this is always a slippery slope. It usually starts with a busy day, trying to accomplish my own set of goals, and it progresses from there.
I have been given a wonderful gift of being well enough to continue life at the same pace as before. The health trials put behind me for now, and then a re-evaluation of "what to do next". As apathy set in, I realized I am not living the way I need to. I have slowly let busyness take over, and stopped putting the "bread of life" first. I stopped seeking Him and making God my priority. My world didn't fall apart......it just slowly came to a grinding halt.
In my devotions with Oswald Chamber's My utmost for His Highest, he explains how sanctification is "God's responsibility" but consecration ((being dedicated to God's service) is "ours". Knowing that my life was lacking in my precious time with God was evident, and I would normally pray that God would give me the desire to read His word, spend time in prayer, and share Him with others when given the opportunity. I would look and wait for those opportunities, and feel blessed to have been a part of a moment that felt orchestrated by God.
Well, I now realize that God has the job of sanctifying us (being set apart from sin and being made holy), but I also have a responsibility to seek Him. To "work out my salvation" (Phil 2:13). To make an effort.
So I put all things aside for the last few days, and focused on the things that I cherish. First, my relationship with God. Reading His word, spending time in prayer, singing songs that lift me up and remind me of His beauty and love. This then lead to taking my 2 oldest grandchildren to church.
On Saturday nights, there isn't a children's church, so I knew this meant keeping them seated with me during the entire service. This brought back moments of "dread" as I tried to keep my own children preoccupied in a similar situation, and they still managed to start creating great distractions. Not conducive to prayerful worship time.
I also knew that God was certainly "big enough" to handle this situation, and I said, "I know you can make this a pleasant experience for all of us, and I am trusting and know without a shadow of a doubt that you will.
The children were told about what was expected of them, and that we were in God's house, and that when other people were talking, we weren't supposed to, but if they wanted to join us and sing, they were welcome to. So they ate there little treats, drank their juice boxes (and we fit in a trip to the washroom as well), and drew on their note pads.
My grandson kept nudging me trying to show me what he had drawn and written. At six, he has developed an amazing ability to read and write that is beyond what I remember my own children doing at his age. So without looking down, I quietly collected the papers he had created and held them in my hand until the end of the service when I could acknowledge and read them.
He took an offering envelope from the chair in front of him, and wrote his name, address, and telephone number on it. On the back of the envelope he put the name "Jesus" and then put one of his notes inside. He showed me the note before he sealed it. It said "I love Jesus and God". He later handed me the precious letter that had been brought with us to dinner, and carried throughout the evening, and said to me,
"Grandma, can you hold onto this for me and then give it back to me when I die, because I want to give it to Jesus one day when I see Him!" The purity of his heart, that thought, that statement is one that I will never forget. I later looked at some of the other notes he made. One other precious note was that "God loves everybody. Jesus loves everyone. Jesus loves God.
How a six year old mind grasps the enormous truth of our Lord and Saviour, and the love of our Creator is nothing short of phenomenal. Sometimes it is the children that bring us back to the basics and the truth. There hearts are pure and uncluttered. This is the way I need to be also.
Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2-4
Now I understand why!
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