The Journey

August 2nd, 2012

When I started this blog, my goals and intentions were to chronicle another journey through my cancer diagnosis, treatment, and eventual outcome.  I wanted all that I did to glorify God and I wanted to become smaller so that Christ could live in me and do His will through me.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the work that God was doing inside. 

I have known and loved the Lord for over 35 years.  There have been many times I wished that He would take me home so I could be removed from the pain I was suffering.  But He most graciously saw fit to leave me here, and I am so very glad He did.

It has been through the many journeys that He has molded and shaped me into who I truly am in Christ.  If He had taken me home earlier, I would have missed the true walk we are all meant to have with Him.

I was only skimming the surface with my walk with Christ. 

In the beginning, I was so excited to tell everyone about my Lord and Saviour.  I couldn’t wait to be finished my tasks so that I could read His Word.  My mind was stayed upon Him, but I lacked the experiences that would truly shape the follower I would become. 

So I wandered in and out of a relationship with Christ.  My roots did not go down deep during those early years.  I fought hard to keep “control” of my life.  But what I didn’t realize was that it was never mine to control. 

In John 15:16 God says “You did not choose Me, but I chose you….”

Christ sent the Holy Spirit to live in each follower, and to guide our path, help us to understand the Truth. 

We are not meant to “settle” or “control” or “wander”. 

I now truly understand the purpose for which I am called.  The purpose for which all believers are called.  We are on a journey of sanctification.  On a journey to “die to ourselves” so that Christ can live in us.  We are called according to His purpose.  It isn’t just about becoming smaller, it is becoming so dead to ourselves that we are a pure and blank slate that Christ can live in and use. 

We are called to love one another.  I can have moments of love for individuals according to the circumstances, but can I truly love everyone the way Christ does?  I can’t manufacture that.  To see those that hate, harm, destroy, cause pain through His eyes is not something I can do.  This is why “I” must die to myself.  It is giving up complete control of my life.  It is putting everything in this life that I hold dear aside, and putting Christ first.  No distractions.  No agendas.  No other priorities.  No meetings.  No meals.  Nothing takes precedence over Christ.  This is the prize.  This is the goal.  This is the journey.  This is what we are to attain.

Christ in me.  This is how people can forgive the murderer who has taken their precious child from them.  This is how ordinary people can give up all their earthly possessions and take to the mission field.  This is how saints can be stoned to death and still look heavenward.

This is not human love, selflessness, and strength.  This is God given power. 

But He can’t use me as long as I put other things before Him.

Paul wrote in Romans 8:29

For those whom (God) foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son”.

Not my image plus a few moments of compassion or charity.  If we strive for this, we will always fall short of the glory of God.  We are missing the mark.  I will never have roots that go deep within and will help me weather the storms, no matter what they are.

So as I look at my goal at the beginning of this journey, it has changed.  It is to lose myself, die to myself, so that I may be conformed to the image of His Son.

The Journey is no longer the journey of coping with an illness. 

The Journey is, and will always be, the sanctification of my soul so that the purpose for which I was created can be lived out in my life.  The life that God pre-knew, prepared, and pre-destined for His purpose.  That is my journey.