May 3rd, 2012
One thing I have learned to do over the last few years is to listen to that little voice in my heart that spurs me to move forward and challenge myself. Sometimes it pushes me beyond my comfort zone, but this is usually where I learn the most and receive the greatest blessings.
That little voice in my heart is the Comforter that Christ said He would send. The Holy Spirit that lives in us and protects and guides us so that we can fulfill God's purpose for our lives.
So as I was going through the motions of a great Christian life, God made it abundantly clear that there were areas that needed "immediate" attention. Areas I had put on the back burner for too long and these issues were squelching the potential for peace and joy in my life.
The one issue I was forced to come face to face with was Forgiveness.
I thought I had a clear path for this one. But the controlling side of me that keeps trying to jump in proved otherwise. I found I could love the children, the lonely, the sick, the elderly, family, friends, the poor, the pure in heart, but I failed to realize that I was having a hard time loving those that had hurt me. I hung on to these hurts until "I" was ready to let go of them. Some had lasted for decades, and others kept cropping up repeatedly.
"Pride" told me I had this under control. After all, I was justified! I had earned the right to be angry! It would take a bit of time, but eventually I would forgive.
Pride is an insidious "joy robber". It is a huge shortcoming of mine and one that the Lord reveals to me time and time again. The different faces of pride are infinite. I have prayed that God would make me more like Him. That He would help me to be humble. You can't begin to be humble unless you address pride. It isn't one of those sins that you figure out once and bring it before God, fix it, and move on. For me, it is a life work! Just when I think I have seen every ugly side of pride in my life and in my heart, another crucial area pops up.
So needless to say, forgiveness and pride were closely linked for me.
Whenever I want to RUN with the hurt feelings and wallow in self-pity for a while, God graciously reminds me of how blessed I am, who I am, and who He is. I am reminded of THE BIG PICTURE. What is my purpose. Of everything that exists in this world, what is the most important thing for anyone! To know Christ.
Whenever I become anxious about a situation and get drawn in to the fear of the outcome, I ask myself how The Big Picture fits in with this situation.
Does getting upset about being cut off on the highway move anyone closer to God? Does a child's disrespect move them any closer to God. Does a betrayal and my subsequent anger move anyone closer to God? Most times the answer is "no". And then I ask the Lord, how should I respond, or to give me peace about this situation. Fear and anger are not on the list of the Fruits of the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forgiveness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control. Against such things there is no law. Gal 5:22-23
This is my checklist of where I am at with my walk with the Lord. I cannot instill these things in my own heart. Only He can put them there. This is NOT who I am. This is who HE is!
When you see forgiveness in my heart. You see Him. The Lord put it there. I would carry that grudge until the day I die, if left to my own devices. I am not deceived about who I AM.
When you see faithfulness in my walk. You see The Lord. The Lord put it there. My idea of faith was being "perfect" and then I was worthy of a relationship with God. The sad thing was I was never "perfect" enough. I learned that He wants me just as I am. If we fix all the wrongs in our heart then why would we need God? How would we ever know what a mighty work He has done in us if we continue to think we just have to be strong willed enough to overcome. God says "the meek shall inherit the earth" (Matt 5:5) not the strong willed!. It is about surrendering.
So this weekend, I took a step in a direction that was something the Lord put on my heart for many years. The "little voice" was becoming louder and louder, but the discomfort with dealing with this became more palpable each time I drew close to doing it. This was going to put me outside of my comfort zone. I was unsure of the outcome. I wasn't sure if this person would be gentle and kind, or use the opportunity to hurt me.
And then I realized. It wasn't about my being hurt again. It wasn't about what other people thought. It was about obedience to God. I was compelled to follow all that He asks of me. In the past, when I have followed Him, irrespective of the outcome, He blesses me. There is a peace in my heart and a knowledge that God is with me. He has shown me His grace once again and proven to me that He is faithful. He has moved me forward in my walk with Him. I am no longer stagnant. I could live a million years and still never stop discovering new truths about God. He is that vast, He is that omniscient, He is that amazing.
You see, the Bible isn't a rule book. It is the inspired Word of God. Jesus came down to earth and brought the Word to us. We have been left with a play book for life. If we follow His word we have all the tools we need to fulfill His purpose in our life. Life is the stage that God uses to prove that His word is true!
Sometimes God is so good to me and gives me a glimpse of His purpose for what He asks of me. That's when I'm awestruck! His ways are never my ways! His ways are higher than mine! (Isaiah 55:9) I try to say, if you did this, then this, then this, that person would know that you are real and accept you........ He always does it differently because He knows the beginning and the end. He wrote the Forward and the Finale.....life is the stuff in between to get us there.
He doesn't owe me an explanation, but it is wonderful when I get a glimpse into a small part of His plan. When He doesn't show me, I must be content with knowing I am in the will of God and pray that He will use that situation for His glory.
So, I reached out my hand to one that has hurt me in the past to say all is forgiven and forgotten and we must move forward with our lives. It wasn't about hashing out old hurts or justifying my choices. It was about having a love for that person that God has for them. It was about seeing them through His eyes. It was not about judging or about fairness. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom3:23). I have sinned, you have sinned, the prime minister has sinned, the Dali Lama, the Pope.....all of us. How can I ask Jesus to forgive MY sins if I stand in judgement of others. He is supposed to forgive me, but I can hang on to my hurt and anger.......? The Son of God, the one who has been there from the beginning and will be there in the end. The one who walks with God and sits at the right hand side of His throne is supposed to forgive me, but I can stay angry?
The play book is not for God. It is for us. So that we might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10).
I thank God that He has never given up on me and that through my stubbornness and selfishness He has still sought after me.
He never promised that this journey would be easy, only that He would be with me through it all!
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
(Isaiah 55:9)
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