Hard Times

May 28th, 2012
Over the course of the last 7 days, I have had increasingly difficult days that have left me weepy and frustrated. 
When I first became a Christian, I thought that being in a right relationship with God was all about "feelings".  When I felt joy, then I felt He was closest, and when I felt pain, anger, frustration or depression, He seemed miles away.  I allowed feelings to guide my relationship with God.  When I felt good, I felt close, and vice versa.
So, as I struggled through each day and night, I went back to all the times God has been there for me.  All that He has brought me through.  All the times He has shown me that He was there all along. 
He has told me and shown me that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  He has always been faithful and true.  So I have been clinging to His promises and His "track record" with my life. 
I knew that this too shall pass, but I also know that sometimes these difficult moments can last a fairly long time.
So I waited in anticipation of this veil lifting, but not certain of when or how God would answer my prayer. 
I waited all week to receive an answer, and things seemed to be getting harder and harder.  I finally broke my silence and contacted the one person who knows me quite well, my Mom.
I started off with the usual,
" I am upset at this.....and I'm frustrated with that......and I don't think I can take anymore of......."
It became apparent that I was starting to put my Mom in the same frame of mind as myself, which made me feel even worse. 
At the end she reminded me of how many people, everywhere, were praying for me.
She said that our dear friend Ms. P. has been praying all week long and at times began to weep while she was praying for our family. 
It was at that precise moment that I realized that Ms. P., a faithful servant and dear friend, had been obediently praying on my behalf.  The odd thing is that she wasn't aware of what type of struggles I was encountering.  I usually keep very much to myself during these times hoping that it will pass, and no one else will be the wiser.
Ms. P. had been prompted by the Holy Spirit to pray for me.  She didn't know why, or what the issue was, she just knew that I was being put on her heart, and she was overwhelmed with emotion while praying.
Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

It was at that precise moment I once again realized how much My Lord loved me.  He does promise to never leave me nor forsake me, so I often visualize Him standing nearby.  When I didn't gain the comfort I had hoped to experience with this vision, I sat in wait for an answer.  The moment I heard about Ms. P., it was as though a light had gone on inside my head and my heart. 
I realized that God loves me so much, that He prompted a dear friend to pray for me.  The fact that she had no earthly idea what was happening with me, showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this gift of intercessory prayer came directly from Him.  I was awestruck at how much He loves me.  What lengths He will go to to show me His love.  It is never the way I anticipate it.  It is always on His terms and in His way.  In that, I know it is His doing, and not my own, or anyone elses.
To me, this is another huge revelation because I, personally can add nothing to God's existence or His person hood.  He does not need me to exist.  I can't make anything greater for Him.  I don't add to His being one iota.  He could wander through eternity and never be the lesser for not knowing me.  In spite of all of this, this Holy God, creator or all things, chose once again to come down and touch my heart with the heartfelt prayers of a dear friend.  He put the proof right in front of me to see.  It was undeniable and over whelming. 
Throughout different stages of my life, I have been blessed with wonderful intercessors like Ms P., my mother, my husband and our small group, her small group, family, and other dear friends at church and beyond.  My mother sent me a verse today that, for me, sums up all that God is doing in and through me.

Isaiah 41: 9 - 13
I have chosen you and have not rejected you. ¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;  do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

¹¹ “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
¹² Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.  Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
¹³ For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Those who know me well understand the personal battles I face in different areas of my life each day.  But I know that where I am right now has been chosen by God, and because of this, He will sustain me through all hardships.

He promises that “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ”
2 Corinthians 12:9